Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
