dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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