Where did you get a picture of my penis
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
