Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
