Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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