I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
