apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
