i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
