What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
