She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Randomize
