I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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