Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
