i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
