dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
