i think my tv is drunk
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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