If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
