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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
honey bunches of taint.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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