someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
