Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
