I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
