By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
