god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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