Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
