Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
