official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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