the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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