Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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