so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
