Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
