i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
