he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
