i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
