he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
