I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Randomize
