I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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