Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
