SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
