They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
either way he was missing a nipple.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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