god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
