yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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