She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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