Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
