If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
