I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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