Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Randomize
