There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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