Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
