brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
