he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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