So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
