I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
