i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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