The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
