What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
