just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
