im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
