dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
