The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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