i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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